D-Day Arrives

We knew it was coming and the day of reckoning finally arrived last week - the release of Beth Stern's new book Yoda: The Story of a Cat and His Kittens.  Beth unleashed a relentless assault on the public's eyes and ears with a barrage of book signings, TV appearances and interviews designed to get her mug in the spotlight spread the word to raise money to save animals.

First up was a book signing at a New York City area bookstore called Bookends:

It wasn't exactly a packed house, as Beth made her grand entrance to meet a handful of Howard Stern sycophants.

Beth posed with wackpacker Awesome Angelo (great guy to have at a children's book signing) and the nutty Mariann from Brooklyn.

  Karma part 1:  the title of the book over Beth's left shoulder is "The Fortune Hunter"

Beth implied in a tweet that the crowd was so huge that they ran out of books (with a hashtag #ranoutofbooks):

Apparently Bookends didn't get that message, as it later tweeted out that extra books were still available:

Tuesday was a big day as Beth appeared on Howard's radio show to be interviewed by his hack writer Benjy Bronk.  In the interview, Beth disclosed that she had cheated on every boyfriend that she had in the past (is that a surprise given her father's background?).  They were also about to talk about Beth's nemesis Amanda Peet, but before Beth could tee off on Amanda, Rachael Ray was ushered in to announce her charity's large donation to Bianca's Furry Friends - great timing by Rachael!

Beth also appeared with her old pal Whitney Cummings at something called an AOL Build.

Later in the day it was time for another book signing at Book of Wonders - Karma part 2 - Beth posed next to a painting with a horse's head over her left shoulder.

On Wednesday, Beth appeared on Access Hollywood - she claimed in the interview that Howard's parents, sister and his daughters (along with their significant others) would be coming over to the Sterns' place for Thanksgiving and that they'll be serving up some eggplant parmesan.  I don't expect to see any selfies or pics from this event, and some cynics may think that none of Howard's relatives will be anywhere near his Southampton estate on that day.

Beth also appeared on the Today Show with Kathie Lee Gifford, who the unevolved Howard used to rip on all the time.  Beth's huge ring was blinding the other ladies and she gave Kathie Lee and Hoda a close up of the monstrosity:

On Thursday, Beth was on Fox and Friends with Elizabeth Hasselbeck - Howard has made fun of Ms. Hasselbeck in the past but she must now be OK as long as Beth gets a TV appearance on her program.

Later in the day, she was on the Covino and Rich show on Sirius/XM.

On Friday, Beth appeared on a New York radio show with Scott Shannon - the website also lists another upcoming book signing that Beth has lined up - at the Costco in Riverhead, Long Island on December 6.  Fans should be camping out early to make sure not to miss out in case Costco runs out of books like Bookends.

Beth's PR team has also scored some press about her amazing Yoda book.  As usual, Marianne Garvey mentioned Beth in her New York Daily News column although Marianne probably pitched ideas to include Beth every day of the week.

It's a good thing for Beth that she and her husband decided to spend $8-10 million to remodel their home in Palm Beach instead of putting up the money to fund Bianca's Furry Friends - imagine all of the PR opportunities that Beth would have missed out on if she didn't have to write this book.  I wouldn't be surprised if shy Beth 'has to' make even more appearances next year under the guise of having to raise more cash for the new kitten wing - meanwhile she and Howard will spend big dollars on more fancy clothes and shoes, private jet trips and expensive furnishings for all 3 of their residences.

Recycling

Earlier this year Howard Stern's oldest daughter Emily used her blog to post articles about an environmental issue - water conservation.  This is a change from the bizarre ramblings that usually fill her blog space but thankfully she is using her abundant free time to think about this issue and has not released any more of her 'music'.

Meanwhile, due to their gas-guzzling limos, private jet trips and ownership of giant mansions in the Hamptons and Palm Beach, Howard and Beth Stern have a huge carbon footprint (kitten post haters - insert snarky comment about Beth's shoe size here).

Don't be fooled though - in addition to being a self-glossed animal activist, as well as a New York Times best-selling author, Beth Stern is very concerned about the environment and in August, wisely passed on a message to her Twitter followers about the evils of releasing balloons with a hashtag #harmfultowildlife. 

While a cynic may think that Beth the social media model was only concerned about the balloon because it interfered with the photos that Howard was going to take of her on their peasant-free private beach, Howard and Beth have also been doing their part by recycling.  

Although his radio show only airs 3 times a week, Howard recycles many tired and unfunny bits, like the phony calls which stopped being funny years ago.  His interviews usually consist of reciting the same script of inane questions as he grills the guest about his or her finances, does an amateur therapy session or fishes for compliments about his portrayal of himself in a movie that was released over 15 years ago.  Unfortunately this week was too jam packed with relevant guests like Jerry Springer and Martin Short so Howard wasn't able to work in another hilarious call from "Fake Mitt Romney" to weigh in on the mid-term elections.

Beth also does her part by recycling - usually by re-posting pictures of herself, although for some strange reason, she has never posted any photos from her European modeling days.

Beth's sycophant followers usually do not notice or care and are too busy trying to be quick on the draw to get in their comments about her breathtaking beauty.  Earlier this week Beth broke out a picture of herself in a bikini holding her cat and encouraging people to adopt pets, similar to what real models have done with PETA.

Beth posted a November 2014 Instagram picture of herself in a bikini holding her black cat with the caption "you are never fully dressed without a black cat.  Adopt today."  This is the same picture that she posted on Twitter in May 2012.

A picture of Beth and Apple Stern was posted in July 2014 on Instagram is the same photo that she posted on Twitter in May 2013.

Beth seems to spend a lot of her husband's money on expensive clothing and accessories.  While it would be gauche to boast about her lifestyle on social media, Beth has found a way to do it clandestinely - by posting pictures of her photo prop cats in boxes from high-end stores.

Her first one of these was released on the day of the Newtown shooting - while many folks were expressing sadness over the tragic event that claimed many lives, childless Beth thought it would be nice to post a picture of Leon Bear in a Saks box.

She posted another one in October of her cat Bella in a Net-a-Porter box and in September she also posted one of Leon Bear in a Net-a-Porter box.

With all of her recycling efforts, perhaps Beth should have added 'environmental activist' to her bio for the upcoming promotion of her book "Yoda:  The Story of a Cat and His Kittens".

Primate Evolution

In 2014, many former Howard Stern fans get more laughs from making fun of the show than they do from listening to the program on the rare days that Stern delivers a live broadcast to Sirius/XM subscribers. 

Many of those same people have also grown to dislike Gary Dell'Abate, the executive producer of the show.  For years Gary was known as the dim-witted loser 'boy Gary', who was the frequent target of Stern's barbs, but he has evolved into a dim-witted pompous fool who seems to think of himself as superior to the peasants who faithfully listened to the show for years.

It is sickening to hear Gary respond to a caller who dares to question whether Howard 'hit it out of the park' with another interview of [fill in the blank:  Mike Tyson, Whitney Cummings, Seth Rogen, Matt Lauer, etc.] by condescendingly asking the person "what do you do for a living?"

Gary certainly has a lofty opinion about himself now that he is an esteemed member of the Greenwich CT community.   It's a good thing embarrassing moments like his live read for The Erotic Review weren't presented in connection with his appointment to the Greenwich Parks and Recreation Board.

Gary has provided many memorable moments over the years (many of them unintentional) - here are some things to remember about Gary, who may get knocked off of his high horse once grandpa Stern officially retires from radio to spend all of his time doodling and taking pictures of kittens while wearing a John Varvatos scarf.

Don't Be Fooled by the Title

Although his lofty title of "Executive Producer" sounds impressive, Gary isn't very bright, and the key to staying in good graces at the Stern show seems to be the ability to suck up to the boss (and hire Don Buchwald as your agent, as Fred, Gary and Robin have all done).

One time genius Gary argued with fellow Mensa member Yucko the Clown after Yucko pointed out that Gary had misspelled "vicious" as "viscous".

The technical aspects of Gary's job don't seem too difficult.  He waits for guests to call and book themselves, shoots the breeze with his buddy Ross Zapin, plays trivia games on the Sporcle website and talks to Howard for a few minutes when they take a commercial break to promote the Squatty Potty or other fourth tier sponsor.

Gary has been busted falling asleep on the job and although he sometimes rocks a sport jacket in order to pretend that he's important, he was stuck with the menial task of cleaning up cat litter after Beth Stern's kitten hour segment on her shock jock husband's radio show.

Uncoordinated Oaf

Gary and Jon Hein (his bloated co-host of the Wrap-Up Show) seem to think of themselves as sports experts because they spend a lot of time watching sports on television.  Gary also fancies himself an athlete and once busted the balls of a backroom staffer who didn't know how to throw a ball properly in Gary's expert opinion.

Of course Gary later embarrassed himself by throwing an infamous first pitch at a Met game after spending lots of time preparing for the special moment.

Gary tried to play it off as a fluke but his utter lack of athletic ability was revealed when he made an appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel show while promoting his horrid book "They Call Me Baba Booey".  Jimmy gave Gary a chance to redeem himself by throwing a proper first pitch but nonathletic Gary nearly injured audience members with more wild throws.  Robin Quivers was able to easily throw the ball better than Gary when she appeared on Kimmel's show.

Gadget Gary

Some genius at the Don Buchwald Agency must have decided that it would be a good idea to try to promote Gary as a tech expert a few years back.  Do you know a teenager who has used a smartphone and/or set up a home stereo?  This person has as much (or more) tech expertise as Gary.

Someone should have known there was a problem when Gary went on a TV show in 2010 to give his opinion on Apple's release of the iPad and the fool predicted that it would be a "bit of a stumble" for Apple.

In 2012, old Gadget Gary was back showing off his tech ignorance at the San Diego Comic Con during an appearance on a panel with Neil deGrasse Tyson.  Fun parts of the video below are at 7:30 (Gary doesn't know what the term "vaporware" means) and at 11:30, in which he shares his insights on "thumbnail" drives made by Kingston.



Starstruck

Gary seems to relish the chance to meet and interact with celebrities of any sort, and is always available to work on the celebrity super fan round table show whenever this great content airs on the Stern channels.  He also drops show biz terms like "go dark" or "on hiatus" to show the few remaining Stern show listeners that he's a regular Hollywood insider.

Gary also managed to finagle a trip to the White House correspondents dinner in 2014 which gave him more chances to meet famous people like Diane Sawyer.

Gary claimed that it was necessary to go there to "network" with people for the show, but as of this date, it doesn't seem like the trip has generated any results for the Stern show, which continues to trot out tired guests like Whitney Cummings, Mike Tyson and William Shatner after Gary's alleged DC networking.

Gary better enjoy the big bucks he's making from the Stern show now, as I don't think he'll be able to earn the same amount of money once Howard calls it a day.  Terrestrial radio stations don't pay that kind of dough and having Tan Mom and David Arquette on speed dial won't be opening doors for him on TV shows.  In 2014, any name guests that come on the Stern show are making the rounds to pretty much every other show in NYC, so Gary doesn't have any special connections due to the rare appearance of a relevant guest.

Lest anyone forget that Gary's "star power" led to his ill-fated For What It's Worth TV show pulling an infamous 0.0 viewer number in 2013 and he and the gang didn't exactly pack the house at the San Diego Comic Con earlier this year.