Howard Stern to Return for Another Season of America's Got Talent

It's that time of the year again - not just the upcoming holiday season, but the time when Howard Stern, in an attempt to create filler for his radio show, keeps dozens of fans in limbo as he ponders whether he will return for another season as a judge on America's Got Talent.  Today was the special day when he continued his sellout and announced, to the surprise of no one, that he would return to judge another season of AGT.

Last month, a caller other than Bobo, Mariann from Brooklyn or the usual cast of characters somehow made it on the air and asked Howard how much the AGT ratings had gone up since he had joined the show.  Howard claimed to not know any specifics about the ratings, but recited the usual mantra that AGT was the #1 show of the summer (without mentioning that it competes against junk summer filler) and that because AGT wanted him back, things must be good.  This is a stark contrast to the days when Stern would gloat about his appearances on late night TV shows and along with his self-glossed "TV expert" Jon Hein, would recite specific details about how the 'power of Stern' affected ratings.

Here's a little help for the aging Mr. Stern regarding the change in AGT ratings since he joined:

 
Back in December 2011, the air was thick (beer can thick?) with excitement after NBC signed Howard to judge AGT. 

Executives must have had dreams of amazing levels of success which would occur once Howard's millions of fans tuned in to boost the show's ratings.  The network crowed about signing the "King of All Media" to judge the awesome acts competing for a grand prize of $1 million (paid over a period of 40 years); by the way, lest anyone more relevant than Stern try to use the KOAM nickname, a lawsuit would likely ensue, as Howard has trademarked the term King of All Media.

In 2012, NBC moved the final tapings of the show to the New York area (to accommodate Howard's grueling satellite radio schedule) and even made the bold move to premiere AGT in May, a ratings sweeps month, to go up against first-run TV shows instead of AGT's usual competition of reruns and other summer drivel.

Jon Leiberman, one of Howard's shill employees on his news/propaganda team, confidently predicted that Howard's debut would generate over 16 million viewers:

Needless to say, Mr. Leiberman's prediction fell short, as the actual number of viewers was 10.48 million.

Reality quickly sunk in, as the "Stern effect" did not generate an increase in ratings and AGT failed against real competition.  In 2013, AGT moved back to its usual summer premiere date, and ratings continued to lag well below what they were before Howard joined the show, even as AGT brought in new judges Heidi Klum and Mel B.  Now, in 2014, the show plunged to new lows, and episodes which have ratings below 2.0 are not unusual, including a series low 1.8 for a non-recap episode.

Here's another graph of the 18-49 ratings over the years (for the fourth live performance show) from 2008 through the Stern era of AGT:




Apparently Howard has moved the needle for AGT ratings, but not in the direction that NBC wanted when it signed him back in 2011.  AGT seems like the kind of show that kids and older folks (i.e. not the target 18-49 demo that advertisers want) will watch - one could probably replace the current judges with a collection of has-beens from 1980's sitcoms and the ratings would not change very much.

One person who benefits from Howard continuing to embarrass himself on AGT is his wife Beth - one has to wonder whether her appearances on Extra (an NBC Universal show) are possibly due to Howard's service as an AGT judge, plus she will get her mug on screen as much as possible during any live tapings near the end of the AGT season.

At least Howard has that going for him, plus all the fun he'll have filming AGT:

D-Day Arrives

We knew it was coming and the day of reckoning finally arrived last week - the release of Beth Stern's new book Yoda: The Story of a Cat and His Kittens.  Beth unleashed a relentless assault on the public's eyes and ears with a barrage of book signings, TV appearances and interviews designed to get her mug in the spotlight spread the word to raise money to save animals.

First up was a book signing at a New York City area bookstore called Bookends:

It wasn't exactly a packed house, as Beth made her grand entrance to meet a handful of Howard Stern sycophants.

Beth posed with wackpacker Awesome Angelo (great guy to have at a children's book signing) and the nutty Mariann from Brooklyn.

  Karma part 1:  the title of the book over Beth's left shoulder is "The Fortune Hunter"

Beth implied in a tweet that the crowd was so huge that they ran out of books (with a hashtag #ranoutofbooks):

Apparently Bookends didn't get that message, as it later tweeted out that extra books were still available:

Tuesday was a big day as Beth appeared on Howard's radio show to be interviewed by his hack writer Benjy Bronk.  In the interview, Beth disclosed that she had cheated on every boyfriend that she had in the past (is that a surprise given her father's background?).  They were also about to talk about Beth's nemesis Amanda Peet, but before Beth could tee off on Amanda, Rachael Ray was ushered in to announce her charity's large donation to Bianca's Furry Friends - great timing by Rachael!

Beth also appeared with her old pal Whitney Cummings at something called an AOL Build.

Later in the day it was time for another book signing at Book of Wonders - Karma part 2 - Beth posed next to a painting with a horse's head over her left shoulder.

On Wednesday, Beth appeared on Access Hollywood - she claimed in the interview that Howard's parents, sister and his daughters (along with their significant others) would be coming over to the Sterns' place for Thanksgiving and that they'll be serving up some eggplant parmesan.  I don't expect to see any selfies or pics from this event, and some cynics may think that none of Howard's relatives will be anywhere near his Southampton estate on that day.

Beth also appeared on the Today Show with Kathie Lee Gifford, who the unevolved Howard used to rip on all the time.  Beth's huge ring was blinding the other ladies and she gave Kathie Lee and Hoda a close up of the monstrosity:

On Thursday, Beth was on Fox and Friends with Elizabeth Hasselbeck - Howard has made fun of Ms. Hasselbeck in the past but she must now be OK as long as Beth gets a TV appearance on her program.

Later in the day, she was on the Covino and Rich show on Sirius/XM.

On Friday, Beth appeared on a New York radio show with Scott Shannon - the website also lists another upcoming book signing that Beth has lined up - at the Costco in Riverhead, Long Island on December 6.  Fans should be camping out early to make sure not to miss out in case Costco runs out of books like Bookends.

Beth's PR team has also scored some press about her amazing Yoda book.  As usual, Marianne Garvey mentioned Beth in her New York Daily News column although Marianne probably pitched ideas to include Beth every day of the week.

It's a good thing for Beth that she and her husband decided to spend $8-10 million to remodel their home in Palm Beach instead of putting up the money to fund Bianca's Furry Friends - imagine all of the PR opportunities that Beth would have missed out on if she didn't have to write this book.  I wouldn't be surprised if shy Beth 'has to' make even more appearances next year under the guise of having to raise more cash for the new kitten wing - meanwhile she and Howard will spend big dollars on more fancy clothes and shoes, private jet trips and expensive furnishings for all 3 of their residences.

Recycling

Earlier this year Howard Stern's oldest daughter Emily used her blog to post articles about an environmental issue - water conservation.  This is a change from the bizarre ramblings that usually fill her blog space but thankfully she is using her abundant free time to think about this issue and has not released any more of her 'music'.

Meanwhile, due to their gas-guzzling limos, private jet trips and ownership of giant mansions in the Hamptons and Palm Beach, Howard and Beth Stern have a huge carbon footprint (kitten post haters - insert snarky comment about Beth's shoe size here).

Don't be fooled though - in addition to being a self-glossed animal activist, as well as a New York Times best-selling author, Beth Stern is very concerned about the environment and in August, wisely passed on a message to her Twitter followers about the evils of releasing balloons with a hashtag #harmfultowildlife. 

While a cynic may think that Beth the social media model was only concerned about the balloon because it interfered with the photos that Howard was going to take of her on their peasant-free private beach, Howard and Beth have also been doing their part by recycling.  

Although his radio show only airs 3 times a week, Howard recycles many tired and unfunny bits, like the phony calls which stopped being funny years ago.  His interviews usually consist of reciting the same script of inane questions as he grills the guest about his or her finances, does an amateur therapy session or fishes for compliments about his portrayal of himself in a movie that was released over 15 years ago.  Unfortunately this week was too jam packed with relevant guests like Jerry Springer and Martin Short so Howard wasn't able to work in another hilarious call from "Fake Mitt Romney" to weigh in on the mid-term elections.

Beth also does her part by recycling - usually by re-posting pictures of herself, although for some strange reason, she has never posted any photos from her European modeling days.

Beth's sycophant followers usually do not notice or care and are too busy trying to be quick on the draw to get in their comments about her breathtaking beauty.  Earlier this week Beth broke out a picture of herself in a bikini holding her cat and encouraging people to adopt pets, similar to what real models have done with PETA.

Beth posted a November 2014 Instagram picture of herself in a bikini holding her black cat with the caption "you are never fully dressed without a black cat.  Adopt today."  This is the same picture that she posted on Twitter in May 2012.

A picture of Beth and Apple Stern was posted in July 2014 on Instagram is the same photo that she posted on Twitter in May 2013.

Beth seems to spend a lot of her husband's money on expensive clothing and accessories.  While it would be gauche to boast about her lifestyle on social media, Beth has found a way to do it clandestinely - by posting pictures of her photo prop cats in boxes from high-end stores.

Her first one of these was released on the day of the Newtown shooting - while many folks were expressing sadness over the tragic event that claimed many lives, childless Beth thought it would be nice to post a picture of Leon Bear in a Saks box.

She posted another one in October of her cat Bella in a Net-a-Porter box and in September she also posted one of Leon Bear in a Net-a-Porter box.

With all of her recycling efforts, perhaps Beth should have added 'environmental activist' to her bio for the upcoming promotion of her book "Yoda:  The Story of a Cat and His Kittens".

Primate Evolution

In 2014, many former Howard Stern fans get more laughs from making fun of the show than they do from listening to the program on the rare days that Stern delivers a live broadcast to Sirius/XM subscribers. 

Many of those same people have also grown to dislike Gary Dell'Abate, the executive producer of the show.  For years Gary was known as the dim-witted loser 'boy Gary', who was the frequent target of Stern's barbs, but he has evolved into a dim-witted pompous fool who seems to think of himself as superior to the peasants who faithfully listened to the show for years.

It is sickening to hear Gary respond to a caller who dares to question whether Howard 'hit it out of the park' with another interview of [fill in the blank:  Mike Tyson, Whitney Cummings, Seth Rogen, Matt Lauer, etc.] by condescendingly asking the person "what do you do for a living?"

Gary certainly has a lofty opinion about himself now that he is an esteemed member of the Greenwich CT community.   It's a good thing embarrassing moments like his live read for The Erotic Review weren't presented in connection with his appointment to the Greenwich Parks and Recreation Board.

Gary has provided many memorable moments over the years (many of them unintentional) - here are some things to remember about Gary, who may get knocked off of his high horse once grandpa Stern officially retires from radio to spend all of his time doodling and taking pictures of kittens while wearing a John Varvatos scarf.

Don't Be Fooled by the Title

Although his lofty title of "Executive Producer" sounds impressive, Gary isn't very bright, and the key to staying in good graces at the Stern show seems to be the ability to suck up to the boss (and hire Don Buchwald as your agent, as Fred, Gary and Robin have all done).

One time genius Gary argued with fellow Mensa member Yucko the Clown after Yucko pointed out that Gary had misspelled "vicious" as "viscous".

The technical aspects of Gary's job don't seem too difficult.  He waits for guests to call and book themselves, shoots the breeze with his buddy Ross Zapin, plays trivia games on the Sporcle website and talks to Howard for a few minutes when they take a commercial break to promote the Squatty Potty or other fourth tier sponsor.

Gary has been busted falling asleep on the job and although he sometimes rocks a sport jacket in order to pretend that he's important, he was stuck with the menial task of cleaning up cat litter after Beth Stern's kitten hour segment on her shock jock husband's radio show.

Uncoordinated Oaf

Gary and Jon Hein (his bloated co-host of the Wrap-Up Show) seem to think of themselves as sports experts because they spend a lot of time watching sports on television.  Gary also fancies himself an athlete and once busted the balls of a backroom staffer who didn't know how to throw a ball properly in Gary's expert opinion.

Of course Gary later embarrassed himself by throwing an infamous first pitch at a Met game after spending lots of time preparing for the special moment.

Gary tried to play it off as a fluke but his utter lack of athletic ability was revealed when he made an appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel show while promoting his horrid book "They Call Me Baba Booey".  Jimmy gave Gary a chance to redeem himself by throwing a proper first pitch but nonathletic Gary nearly injured audience members with more wild throws.  Robin Quivers was able to easily throw the ball better than Gary when she appeared on Kimmel's show.

Gadget Gary

Some genius at the Don Buchwald Agency must have decided that it would be a good idea to try to promote Gary as a tech expert a few years back.  Do you know a teenager who has used a smartphone and/or set up a home stereo?  This person has as much (or more) tech expertise as Gary.

Someone should have known there was a problem when Gary went on a TV show in 2010 to give his opinion on Apple's release of the iPad and the fool predicted that it would be a "bit of a stumble" for Apple.

In 2012, old Gadget Gary was back showing off his tech ignorance at the San Diego Comic Con during an appearance on a panel with Neil deGrasse Tyson.  Fun parts of the video below are at 7:30 (Gary doesn't know what the term "vaporware" means) and at 11:30, in which he shares his insights on "thumbnail" drives made by Kingston.



Starstruck

Gary seems to relish the chance to meet and interact with celebrities of any sort, and is always available to work on the celebrity super fan round table show whenever this great content airs on the Stern channels.  He also drops show biz terms like "go dark" or "on hiatus" to show the few remaining Stern show listeners that he's a regular Hollywood insider.

Gary also managed to finagle a trip to the White House correspondents dinner in 2014 which gave him more chances to meet famous people like Diane Sawyer.

Gary claimed that it was necessary to go there to "network" with people for the show, but as of this date, it doesn't seem like the trip has generated any results for the Stern show, which continues to trot out tired guests like Whitney Cummings, Mike Tyson and William Shatner after Gary's alleged DC networking.

Gary better enjoy the big bucks he's making from the Stern show now, as I don't think he'll be able to earn the same amount of money once Howard calls it a day.  Terrestrial radio stations don't pay that kind of dough and having Tan Mom and David Arquette on speed dial won't be opening doors for him on TV shows.  In 2014, any name guests that come on the Stern show are making the rounds to pretty much every other show in NYC, so Gary doesn't have any special connections due to the rare appearance of a relevant guest.

Lest anyone forget that Gary's "star power" led to his ill-fated For What It's Worth TV show pulling an infamous 0.0 viewer number in 2013 and he and the gang didn't exactly pack the house at the San Diego Comic Con earlier this year.

My Purpose - How to Use Cats to Get Attention

Beth Stern's recent TV shows have been disastrous, as Mom Caves and Spoiled Rotten Pets were both "one season and done" and a pilot for Gossip Cop never even made it on the air.  Beth is now "all in" for reinventing herself as a self-proclaimed animal expert/activist.  

It's full steam ahead as the November release date for her new book (Yoda: The Story of a Cat and His Kittens) draws closer.  So far, most of the publicity has come from Beth's Instagram and Twitter accounts, as well as former Stern-show intern (turned unofficial minister of Stern propaganda)  Marianne Garvey of the NY Daily News.

On Tuesday, Beth took a break from her constant posting of selfies and kitten pictures on Instagram and hopped in a limo to New York City in order to visit the Sirius/XM studios.  Apparently Beth is having Robin Quivers narrate the audio version of her Yoda book.  This is quite an amazing recovery for rotund Robin, as the wigged vegan had just backed out of attending the Texas Veggie Fair at the last minute due to what was described as an "extreme personal situation". 

Beth mentioned that Robin was 'perfect' to tell Yoda's story.  Granted, no one wants to hear Beth's screechy voice narrate a book, but it is an interesting decision to have an obese, old and childless woman tell the fictional story of a male cat who dreams of being a 'supercat'.

Fun fact:  Scott Salem also did the recording for the "Birth Day" album by Howard's daughter Emily Stern - her Zoo Za Zoo track seems to be especially well-liked by reviewers on Amazon.  Perhaps  this studio was the same place that Emily recorded the dulcet melodies and other odd sounds heard on the album.

Beth has yet to announce any book signings or TV appearances to promote the amazing new book, although she is taking time out of her busy schedule to do more Kitten Bowl filming and will be a presenter at the upcoming WebMD Health Heroes Awards, at which a red carpet and photo op will likely be present.  She posed for a picture with former NFL quarterback Boomer Esiason, who is embarrassing himself by being involved with some fantasy football Kitten Bowl stunt -  her hands are almost as big as his.  

While Beth will take any sort of appearances and gigs she can get, one can only imagine that it has to be a bit embarrassing for Howard's kids to see step mom make a fool of herself with this cat lady persona.  Howard has made enough money for them to pay for the entire kitten wing that will allegedly be the recipient of proceeds from the Yoda book - it's surprising that the animal lovers don't just pony up the cash to get the project moving, but doing that would deprive Beth of chances to make public appearances.

Revolution - AARP Style

Howard Stern is a skinny 60 year old man who still has a bit of belly fat (ease up on the portions of almonds!) but he likes to dress like a skateboarder in an attempt to maintain a youthful rebel image.

However, the aging former shock jock fills his satellite radio show (which airs 2-3 days per week) with a lot of guests who are not exactly spring chickens.

Here's a sampling of the guests that Howard has had on the air so far in 2014 (age as of appearance date):

Five guests in their 80s:

Name	Age
Robert Duvall	83
Dan Rather	82
Willie Nelson	81
Joan Rivers	80
Larry King	80

Four guests in their 70s:

Name	Age
George Takei	77
Valerie Harper	74
Smokey Robinson	74
Richard Williams	72

Twelve guests in their 60s:

Name	Age
Danny Trejo	69
Donovan	68
Donald Trump	68
Neil Young	68
Jeff Bridges	64
Joe Perry	64
Bill Murray	64
John Mellencamp	63
Sharon Osbourne	62
Harvey Weinstein	61
Roseanne Barr	61
Kevin Nealon	60

He also has mixed in some 'younger' guests who are in their late 50s:

Name	Age
Jerry Seinfeld	59
Al Roker	59
Carol Leifer	58
Billy Idol	58
Katie Couric	57
Matt Lauer	56

  

Most of these "big names" aren't exclusively appearing on the Stern show and many of them are going on as many shows as possible to pimp their latest projects.

It's too bad that Howard doesn't have the same listening base that he did before his "Revolution" - recently, Robert Downey Jr. (a youngster not even AARP-eligible!) visited the show to promote his new movie the Judge, but for some reason the millions of Stern fans didn't show up at the box office and it finished in fifth place for its opening weekend.

Vapid Foster Mom Is

Poor Yoda the purebred Persian cat has been ill recently but has recovered (another miracle!) so that he can serve as the main photo prop of his 'mom' Beth Stern. 

Beth is a self-glossed animal advocate and unlike many PETA activists, she is often seen wearing leather jackets and shoes and has a massive collection of leather purses.  Beth is also featured on the West Coast Leather website.

For over a year she has been using Bianca's Furry Friends, a proposed addition to the North Shore Animal League facility, as a way to bolster her animal-friendly image - fans of her husband are often asked to shell out their hard-earned money to help fund this $7 million project, as the Sterns are busy spending their own dough on extravagant mansions, remodeling of said monstrosities and lots of shopping at expensive stores.

Beth has no shame and unloaded a barrage of pictures of Yoda in the last few days:

  * Yoda in a sea of gigantic gold shoes

  * Lighted shoe cubbies FTW :

  * Chilling in Howard's Manhattan penthouse:

  *Rolling in a limo passing by the peasants

The comments on Beth's social media posts are from followers who provide positive comments about Beth's beauty or say that the kitty is adorable - any comments which point out the hard truth are quickly removed.  Many of the folks who constantly praise Beth are too slow to realize that she's using the Persian cat to cover how she's flaunting her wealth in their faces while asking them to give money to the NSAL for the kitten wing named after her dead bulldog.  Yoda better get used to lots of photo ops, as Beth will probably roll out plenty of pictures of him as the release of her new book Yoda: The Story of a Cat and Kittens gets closer.  It is hard to believe that Beth needed a contributor (K.A. Alistir) to help write this simple book.

2015 Calendar - North Shore Animal League Pets with Scooby Doo NOT Beth Stern

As 2014 comes to an end, some old-school animal lovers will be looking to get a new paper calendar for 2015. 

By last July, Beth Stern had announced to her Twitter followers that a 2014 North Shore Animal League calendar was in the works:

However, a 2015 calendar with the NSAL adoptable pets features Scooby Doo rather than a 42 year old Beth Stern.

[Fun fact:  Charity Navigator has a list of animal charities - the NSAL is ranked number 411 out of 460 (the bottom 15%) as of the date of this post.]

Howard Stern likes to talk about his popularity (even though America's Got Talent ratings are dreadful compared to what they were before he joined the show and conveniently, no ratings are available for his satellite radio show which is heard live 2-3 days a week).  One would think the NSAL would want to capitalize on the alleged millions of Stern fans and have another calendar featuring his former European model wife.

It looks like Beth's fans will have to be satisfied with her new amazing book that is coming out in November (Yoda: The Story of a Cat and his Kittens) and the endless promotion that she'll do for it, as well as the countless photoshopped pictures of herself she posts on social media and some obscure dog award show later in the year. 

Kitten Post Haters - Early Fall Update

Although summer is over, the kitten post haters are still lurking, and Beth Stern has continued to mention them on Instagram when she busts out more pictures of herself that no one asked to see.

Fun fact:  the number of kittenposthaters pictures that Beth posted in August (4) is the same number of live radio shows that her husband did in August for Sirius/XM subscribers.

Here is an updated version of the ever-growing list:

9/21/14 - http://instagram.com/p/tN3VuYofHE/?modal=true #forkittenposthaters

9/15/14 - http://instagram.com/p/s-3XwAofPw/?modal=true #forkittenposthaters #photobyhoward #sorrykittenpostlovers!

8/25/14 http://instagram.com/p/sIWicPofJd/?modal=true #forkittenposhaters

8/23/14 http://instagram.com/p/sCm1AWofCh/?modal=true #forkittenposthaters

8/16/14 - http://instagram.com/p/rxKBaeIfCI/?modal=true #forkittenposthaters

8/15/14 - http://instagram.com/p/ruiW6VofKF/?modal=true #forkittenposthaters

7/21/14 - http://instagram.com/p/qteG04ofM_/?modal=true Kitten post haters make me sad

7/18/14 - http://instagram.com/p/qmY35OofBC/?modal=true Running from the kitten post haters!

7/12/14 - http://instagram.com/p/qWs8hjofOB/?modal=true #forkittenposthaters

7/6/14 - http://instagram.com/p/qHJeL_ofGu/?modal=true #forkittenposthaters

7/5/14 - http://instagram.com/p/qEcHJ2IfCa/?modal=true #itstooearlyforkittenposthaters #butyetyouarehere

7/4/14 - http://instagram.com/p/qCZYGkofMR/?modal=true #forkittenvideohaters

7/1/14 - http://instagram.com/p/p6N21BIfK8/?modal=true #forkittenposthaters

6/21/14 - http://instagram.com/p/pgjVgbofNj/?modal=true It's too early for kitten picture haters but they have arrived

6/20/14 - http://instagram.com/p/peJhj4IfPS/?modal=true #forkittenpicturehaters

6/13/14 - http://instagram.com/p/pLu0g4ofAg/?modal=true #keepingkittenpicturehatershappy

6/12/14 - http://instagram.com/p/pJp95uIfB2/?modal=true #forkittenpicturehaters

Hello Hello

First post on the new blog site.

Rather than importing the older posts, they will still be up at the original site - http://moldredstern.tumblr.com/